Ideal

here’s my list. IDEAL until super ideal

-          Loves me for who I am

-          Doesn’t think I am fat

-          Willing to wait despite… anything

-          Sporty/ Lean.

-          Abs omg.

-          Smart. Ok. Standard is L1R5 >12

-          Taller than me

-          Able to cook

-          Love animals (ESPECIALLY CATS)

-          Doesn’t mind adopted kids

-          Big eyes/Double eyelids

-          Goal-oriented

-          Loves his family

-          Passionate about something (but normalish stuff not like S&M thanks)

-          Can tolerate my mental rubbish esp when it gets bad

-          Good listener

-          Doesn’t mind roller coasters

-          Wanderlust

-          Faithful and dedicated

-          Won’t have any thoughts EVER about cheating

-          (I’m sorry to say this but this is ideal/impossible list) Well-off [so can travel together and it would be easier to plan for a family]

-          Loves my baking

-          Not short-tempered

-          Sweet

-          Outspoken

-          Extroverted

Memories

Guys. I LITERALLY scrolled all the way back to 14 April 2011. and i read everything

10 March 2012 - Downhill
27 May 2012 - Best day of relapse
17 June 2012 - Went crazy
4 July 2012 - Had 410 calories
26 Sep 2012 - World has been normal for a while
10 Dec 2012 - Worst day of recovery (can't imagine doing that/exploding again)

and then the 2011 stuff were trival-whiny-obssesedgirl shit

and 2013 has been, so far, positive stuff.
and kpop rubbish
HAHA OR SO YOU SEE

there was this period of time, before comp, when I broke again
but this time it was binge eating
I think i purged 3 times in total during that whole period
but i'm fine now

52.5kg ish? idk idw to know
i need to regulate my eating though. it has been fluctuating

but yeah. I've really changed alot. like. ALOT.
i wanna reversed time and stab the 15 year old me actually

such a superficial bitch

but wow. really. i forgot who i was perviously. woah. ok.  i prefer the positive jay (:

BUCKET LIST. and pending

work at a haunted house

go on a caribbean cruise.

zip-line.

skydive.

eat pasta in Italy.

slow dance in the rain. 

marry the man of my dreams.

bungee jump.

get married on the beach.

be the girl of someone's dream.

meet my favourite band

stay at an underwater hotel.

move into an apartment with my best friend.

eat a cheese steak in Philadelphia.

go to times square.

sit in a hot tub in winter.

feel beautiful inside & out.

have sex on a beach.

be a mother.

go to a paint rave.

get a tattoo.

fall in love.

take a cross country road trip with my best friends.

go to the taipei lantern festival.

be a grandmother.

learn to snowboard.

actually do things on my bucket list.

remember to stop and smell the roses.

be kissed under mistletoe.

fly first class.

have lunch at a café in paris.

find my soulmate.

go skinny dipping.

see cirque du soleil.

be kissed at the top of a ferris wheel.

have a secret admirer.

ride on a glass bottom boat.

dye my hair bright red.

throw a party with my best friend.

walk the entire length of the great wall.

receive a love letter.

be confident

leaarn to walk in heels like a pro.

feel comfortable in my own skin.

see lgbt treated equal.

visit london.

eat chocolate in switzerland.

overcome my depression.

love myself.

have my perfect happy ending.

eat cheesecake in new york.

open my own bakery.

spend a night under the stars.

meet ellen & portia.

learn to tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.

get my fortune told.

own a bunny.

eat waffles in belgium.

donate blood.

move to another country.

eat poutine in canada.

meet jennifer lawrence.

go to disney land.

eat gelato in italy.

adopt a baby.

eat fish and chips in london.

kiss a girl.

own a thousand books.

learn how to make sushi.

live my life to the fullest.

live my life for me and no one else.

eat in an underwater restaurant.

get a massage.

have sex in a hot tub.

overcome my health problems and live normally.

believe in myself.

be unforgettable to someone.

meet evanna lynch.

make a perfect cheesecake.

get a white ink tattoo.

kiss someone at midnight on new years.

leave a lock on a love bridge.

make my life worth while.

find a real best friend.

party all night.

have my handwriting analyzed. 

own a cat for its whole life.