Ricochet

It's hard. living with ed. personally, i think distractions are the best ways to solve the over thinking

but. as my mum says. i always take things to the extremes. dieting, fangirling, obsessing. because for me. its either too much. or nothing at all

all or nothing. i live by that mindset. then i get tired of it. and it's hard to break away

i need to curb my obsession with teen top. wasting too much money. and i feel so inadequate. so lost. because they will never know me.

i know i sound crazy. but i live by the all or nothing mindset.

i fantasize to be dropped in the middle of the ocean and sink

see all the millions of sea creatures and alien animals.

i hate the sea. because it's too big. too wide. too deep. too unknown.

won't it be amazing to be a mermaid? scarier to be a fish on the reef.
because once it ends, you'd never know what's going to happen in the black abyss of the ocean

thats why i want t be dropped in

to remind myself that all my worries and thoughts are insignificant in this world. smaller than. a microorganism. because it's so vast.

i want to learn to concentrate on the bigger picture

A man bitten is a man cursed

everyone needs to pipe the fuck down so i can think

BORED

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage?
Banana Milk

2. Last phone call?
Elin, Breadtalk branch manager (J8)

3. Last text message?
Kay so tmr open house you can?

4. Last song you listened to?
YESTERDAY – DYNAMIC BLACK

5. Last time you cried?
Last year?

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice?
Nope

7. Been cheated on?
Yup

8. Kissed someone & regretted it?
Yes

9. Left someone?
Yes

10. Been depressed?
Yes

11. Been drunk and threw up?
No

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS

12. Lavander/Purple

13. Baby Pink

14. Sunshine yellow

LAST YEAR (2012), HAVE YOU

15. Made a new friend?
Yes

16. Fallen out of love?
Nope

17. Laughed until you cried?
YES

18. Met someone who changed you?
Maybe? Can’t recall~

19. Found out who your true friends were?
Yes

20. Found out someone was talking about you?
Yup

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend’s list?
No

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life?
50/55 (deleted people I’m not friends with)

Where is 23?

24. Do you have any pets?
Bailey, tabby cat <3 b="b">

25. Do you want to change your name?
YES.

26. What did you do for your last birthday?
Ate a legit fruit cake :D

27. What time did you wake up today?
8am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Youtube/Tumblr

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
TO START WORK AT BREADTALK

30. Last time you saw your Mother?
Last night/Morning (1.30am) before I slept

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
Now? Hm. Nothing ^^

32. What are you listening to right now?
Shaghai Romance - Orange Caramel

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?
Nope

34. What’s getting on your nerves right now?
PIMPLES I HATE YOU

35. Most visited webpage?
tumblr

Why is there no 36?

37. Nickname?
None?

38. Relationship Status:
In a relationship with obsession over Teen Top

39. Zodiac sign:
Gemini

40. He or She?
She

41. Elementary?
Yes?

42. High School?
Not our schooling system

43. College?
Baking school (:

44. Hair color:
Black/Brown. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE RED THOUGH

45. Long or short?
Long

46. Height:
167cm. Wanna be 170cm sometimes. Wanna be 160 sometimes.

47. Do you have a crush on someone?
TEEN FUCKING TOP

48. What do you like about yourself?
My… legs?

49. Piercings?
Currently no.

50. Tattoos?
Nope. I want one though

51. Righty or lefty?
Right

52. First surgery?
None

53. First piercing?
Ears.

54. First friends?
Isabelle, Jolene and Lynn from kindergarten :D

55. First sport you joined:
Table Tennis

56. First vacation?
Malaysia

QUESTION 57 IS MISSING

58. First pair of trainers?
2009

59. Eating?
now? nope

60. Drinking?
I like Apple cider :D

61. I’m about to…
continue doing useless stuff online. aka waste my life

62. Listening to?
Haru Haru – Big Bang

63. Waiting for?
KOREA TRIP

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids?
HELL NO.

65. Get Married?
To a cat, maybe

66. Career?
 Baker :D

WHICH IS BETTER…

67. Lips or eyes?
Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs

69. Shorter or taller?
Taller. Always taller. Like Changjo^^

70. Older or Younger?
Older(:

71. Romantic or spontaneous?
BOTH. But if had to chose one… spontaneous? But isn’t being romantic spontaneous?

72. Nice stomach or nice arms?
Stoma- arms. BOTH

73. Sensitive or loud?
BOTH. Just be Teen Top. Ok Loud

74. Hook-up or relationship?
Relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant?
None…? IDK MAN.

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger?
Yes

77. Drank hard liquor?
Yes

78. Lost glasses/contacts?
Yupp

79. Sex on first date?
No..?!?!?!?

80. Broke someone’s heart?
I think so?

81. Had your own heart broken?
No. I have no heart.

82. Been arrested?
Nope

83. Turned someone down?
Yep

84. Cried when someone died?
Only fictional


85. Fallen for a friend?
Nope.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself?
Sometimes

87. Miracles?
Occasionally

88. Love at first sight?
Maybe?

89. Heaven?
Sometimes

90. Santa Claus?
YEAH

91. Kiss on the first date?
Nope

92. Angels?
Yes, cause I’m part of the fandom

Greed

Why can't I be beautiful or pretty. and cute. and sing well?

with a nice, even, big smile that's freaking gorgeous, huge smiling eyes and fucking clear skin?



I've not been so jealous for such a long time

#girlcrush

scratch that. I'll just take beautiful. damn

imma go live with cats

Revolving doors

hm. felt like typing quickly.
i should really stop watching korean dramas and reading romance novels
where there is always a prince charming waiting somewhere. somehow.

THIS IS REAL LIFE. i mean. you gotta be fucking kidding me. such perfection out of nowhere? and everyone, even the most perfect guys will have expectations as well. higher expectations that is

then cause of all these fairy tales i'm indulging myself in, becoming obsessed over, i start wanting it in real life.

WAKE UP. I keep screaming that to myself. but it's no use

again and again i keep believing that there will be a perfect stranger out there who accepts me for everything and loves me forever.

NO THERE ISN'T SO WAKE THE FUCK UP. even if there is you won't accept them. cause that's the way you are

i'm very very sure actually that mindset/attitude wise, there are people

but no. because you are you, the obnoxious idiot, looks play an important part too. so huge.

too huge.

i have no right to do that. i dont want people to do that yet i do that. hypocrites. that's what we are that's what we all are

so.

i WILL continue to immerse myself in all these idealistic worlds. manga, anime, dramas, novels
because someone out there. a writer, author, actor

knows what i'm feeling except they can express it
express it and present it so that it ends up the way they like it

i wish i could. then perhaps it would be easier to not get so involved in fake lives

who am i kidding. i'd probably delude myself and my expectations will rocket sky high

i will be happy raising cats. honest.

old, crazy, cat lady

that's the stereotype isn't it?
but why so negatively placed if that individual is happy?

I've been thinking about it. growing old

so let's say I did well in life, baker and all. 10 cats (or something)\

then what?

really, i don't know. I'd probably start living alone after a while because i wouldn't want to die before my cats.

but then what?
i hate to be alone all the time. humans are meant to interact and communicate with each other.

will i meet someone someday?
and settle down and all that?

will i have kids even though i'm dead set against it now?

maybe. if i meet someone who loves animals and me. forever? id on't know

then i tell myself

STOP THINKING TOO FAR.

be happy everyday and that will be enough

one day at a time.