Revolving doors

hm. felt like typing quickly.
i should really stop watching korean dramas and reading romance novels
where there is always a prince charming waiting somewhere. somehow.

THIS IS REAL LIFE. i mean. you gotta be fucking kidding me. such perfection out of nowhere? and everyone, even the most perfect guys will have expectations as well. higher expectations that is

then cause of all these fairy tales i'm indulging myself in, becoming obsessed over, i start wanting it in real life.

WAKE UP. I keep screaming that to myself. but it's no use

again and again i keep believing that there will be a perfect stranger out there who accepts me for everything and loves me forever.

NO THERE ISN'T SO WAKE THE FUCK UP. even if there is you won't accept them. cause that's the way you are

i'm very very sure actually that mindset/attitude wise, there are people

but no. because you are you, the obnoxious idiot, looks play an important part too. so huge.

too huge.

i have no right to do that. i dont want people to do that yet i do that. hypocrites. that's what we are that's what we all are

so.

i WILL continue to immerse myself in all these idealistic worlds. manga, anime, dramas, novels
because someone out there. a writer, author, actor

knows what i'm feeling except they can express it
express it and present it so that it ends up the way they like it

i wish i could. then perhaps it would be easier to not get so involved in fake lives

who am i kidding. i'd probably delude myself and my expectations will rocket sky high

i will be happy raising cats. honest.

old, crazy, cat lady

that's the stereotype isn't it?
but why so negatively placed if that individual is happy?

I've been thinking about it. growing old

so let's say I did well in life, baker and all. 10 cats (or something)\

then what?

really, i don't know. I'd probably start living alone after a while because i wouldn't want to die before my cats.

but then what?
i hate to be alone all the time. humans are meant to interact and communicate with each other.

will i meet someone someday?
and settle down and all that?

will i have kids even though i'm dead set against it now?

maybe. if i meet someone who loves animals and me. forever? id on't know

then i tell myself

STOP THINKING TOO FAR.

be happy everyday and that will be enough

one day at a time.