Implosion

I HATE everything

myself mostly. for having the inability to control

not eating and stuff i'm fine with that now

ITS ABOUT GUYS. OK. ITS SO FUCKING IRRITATING

I'm hesitant to breach this bloody topic but IT HAS TO BE TOUCHED because I'm going crazy.

oh and also, I will judge myself in the future when I read this again.

and seriously, people who still read this will be all:
omg what's her problem

but damn it I NEED TO SAY EVERYTHING.

FIRSTLY. I NEED TO SHUT MY FUCKING HORMONES DOWN SO I CAN STOP BEING SO FIXATED ON GUYS.

I don't know what's the problem with my STUPID MINDSET.
but I constantly feel that I have to be validated by A GUY

really, really? seriously WHAT FUCKING LOGIC IS THAT. I'M DAMN PISSED WITH MYSELF

So I can feel confident cause I feel... acceptable. pretty I guess
THATS WHY I WEAR MAKEUP AND STUFF AND yeah I've been trying to wean myself off that since last year.

but wait. this problem is much much much better now.

you know why?

cause I'm being distracted

by Teen Top

once again. GUYS.

AND THEN I GET SAD CAUSE I KNOW THAT IT IS A MINDLESS OBSESSION THAT DOES NOTHING BUT WASTE MY TIME AND LIFE

AND CAUSES UNREASONABLE SADNESS THAT
1. THEY DON'T KNOW I EXIST
2. I DONT EVEN. THERE IS NO CONNECTION
3.WHAT AM I DOING

WASTING MY TIME.

ok to clear stuff up. I am not. ABSOLUTELY NOT that type of fangirl that wants them to know me
and will stan them to the extent that I turn sasaeng

its just that

WHATS THE POINT

but watching their videos makes me smile

YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED THERE MY LIFE IS WASTING AWAY

THEN THE CRAZY FANGIRL SIDE OF ME BECOMES TERRIBLY SAD BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I/SHE DON'T KNOW AND SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON AND

wasting my life away.

can
i
just
please
become
normal.

i hate you kpop shit

you have ruined my life.