Another day

hello. prepare for another rant

today, i ate more than i should

because. at 9ish when i stood up to get water
i could not see. again
or balance.
stood at the counter place for like, 30 seconds

part of me was happy
another part was freaked

so i decided to not count.
think i may have hit 2000 haiz.

anyway. knew i was going to lose control
so by 1 pm
i had drank 2 litres of water.

then lunch. i ate my ah gong's food.
cant count.

then i weighed.
45.1

i knew. i knew that its not accurate.
hello. 2l of water is 2kg plus
and lunch??

but i couldn't stop it. resist the urge.

so dinner was cabbage and carrots.

then my mummy went out
i was downstairs. alone

what did i do?
i ate
meiji biscuits
2 butter buns
a hell lot of grapes

of course i wanted to keep going
but i didn't counted hypothetical calories.
made up huge figures

then i downed another litre of water
in 15 minutes

damn full now
but its the good full
at least i cant binge or whatever shit

but anyway
just ate more than i should.

still 43.2 concurrently
i dont want to drop any lower
but i also do.

this is my admission weight
im freaked
but im also happy

this is too wrong.
im eating. dont berate me
im trying my best

i nearly ate ice cream today
but the uncle said he didn't have
at amk hub.
as in TOTALLY no flavours. i have no idea why

but yeah. just updating my pathetically self centered life which revolves around food

tomorrow morning
before breakfast
if im 43.0-43.2
i will eat proper lunch.
as in ramen. the whole packet. with egg white and carrots

if not.
half a pack of ramen with egg white.
then dinner is usual. and i will measure out breakkie.

i havent measured breakfast for 2 days now.
it was good (: