whore

attention seeking.

i know thats what you think im doing

you never say it but i can see it in your eyes.

silently
judging my behaviors.

getting tired of my actions

sick of my refusal to even TRY to recover

all of you. its damn pretty obvious. you dont have to hide it anymore

but to the hell with you. its my blog and i will write whatever shit i want to.

44kg

was doing fine. ate ice cream and yami for lunch
then i couldnt take it

came home and ate

hello panda
meiji
2 ice cream cones
1 bread
1 subway cookie

in 3 minutes. just demolished the whole stack

then i went to bathe

but i kept it down
it took so much not to take everything back out
but i did it.
so im still 44kg

if i took it out i might have been 43.8 or even .7
but i kept it down

am i proud of myself?
no not really

am i guilty and fucking full
of course.

1300. dont even want to count yesterday's depressing as hell

300 over. 300. that is one full fucking meal.
should have drank water what am i thinking

not eating dinner again today
didnt eat yesterday as well
because i binged like shit.

tomorrow MEAL PLAN

no biscuits.
no biscuitsnobiscuitsnobiscuits

carbs will be the death of me

just cereal, milk, fruits

sound good?
yes.

and im going to walk to school.
that going to be my slack exercise.

the highest i can go now is 44
i want to go lower but im scared
too close to admission weight

but i dont want to gain
and maintaining is scary also

i dont know what i want
i just want to be skinnier
thinner
prettier
im so hungry sometimes.
but i cant control it so well anymore.
i feel like throwing all the food in my house away

okokokokokokokokok i know

when i feel like eating extra shit
im going to go on tumblr. ok good

of course i have a tumblr where do you think i get the pics from

and hell no im not telling anyone. its and B&W one anyway with some colour.

sometimes, the reblogs are:

there you go. of course there are more. lets just say

i have become immune to scars.

im really really really thirsty now
but i cant drink water
too full
way too full

cant complain. although i am

i brought this on my fucking self

cant complain. listen. silent
no one
hush.

thats why i go to tumblr.
where else

its really comforting
but so triggering