today wasn't a good day
it was track farewell and i couldn't stop eating
not at all
just kept going and going
sausage pasta WITH OIL. i ate about 7 plates. honest to god i'm not exaggerating
then ate a hell lot of chips. really. demolished the whole plate
2 brownies
2 cupcakes
1 slice of chocolate fudge cake. felt so sick.
more seaweed chips later
then i went off to the canteen
bought butter-sugar bread and 2 packs of biscuits and drinks and ate everything in 15 minutes
came back and ate another brownie
another cupcake
more chips
i was so so so full
but couldn't stop. i really really couldn't
then i ate 4 animal biscuits and i came home
damn fucking disgusted with myself
so the big question
did i purge in school?
of course not.
its the new school i'm not going to be the one stinking/ clogging it up
but it was so so so so disgusting
waipan asked me twice why i was eating so much
yiyi asked me 3 times why i was still eating
shame. i cant control it.
and its so obvious.
thats why dont like going out
i like routine.
breakfast: 60g of special k 9 (220cals), 140ml of strawberry milk(100cals)
lunch: kimchi ramen (260) with egg white (17) and carrot (24cals)/tofu (33cals)
dinner: 1 apple (70cals) and 1 orange (80cals)/ steamed veggies (200cals)
i should have brought along 4 apples for lunch
but i forgot and was so fucking hungry
so i binged. so much.
and my mum wasn't there to stop me
if you are blaming yourself for not stopping me, don't. would you have known what a binge looks like?
of course not. i usually do it in secret anyway
but i weighed myself
43kg. so im fine. for now. was expecting like, 46kg or 44 something.
back to the same tomorrow
and im going for a morning jog
it was the first bag of chips in a year
first servingS of meat in 3 months
first servingS of pasta in 2 months
and first chocolate cake in 2 years.
binge foods:
bread
meiji biscuits
digestive cookies
hello panda
ice cream
fruit loops
and now:
chocolate
im staying away from all those. too triggering.
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